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VIRUS ALERT
The following new computer viruses have been detected in or around the country. Please be alert for them when you scan your computers.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS:
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack—-once if by LAN, twice if by C.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:
Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic micro-organism.”
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS:
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
FREUDIAN VIRUS:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
ELVIS VIRUS:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
NIKE VIRUS:
Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS:
Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:
Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS:
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
STAR TREK VIRUS:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
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Joke of the day
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed. “You lissin-a me - I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated. 38 revolver so you will always remember me.” “But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex watch instead?” “Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifull a wife, lots a money, a big a home and maybe a coulple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your beautiful a wife in bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and say: ‘Time’s up?
Joke of the day
husband: wifey, are you in for a rape game tonight?
wife: NO
husband: That’s the spirit !!!
Joke of the day
My friend Steve is an Atheist.
He has a bumper sticker ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ and when someone honks he gives them the finger.
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